FLAWLESSNESS IS OVER-AMBITION ‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
FLAWLESSNESS IS OVER-AMBITION
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
When I was growing up, I used to think my parents could do no wrong. I thought whatever they did was right, even if it was wrong. And today, my children feel the same. So it is with all parents. To our kids, we are an epitome of perfection. We are the wisest, strongest, smartest, and most knowledgeable specie they know (perhaps only their class teacher contends with us). Just as it was with us, not until they grow up will they discover that we are not, after all, infallible.
On the other hand, quite often as parents, we commit the error of correcting our children as though they must be flawless.
I was in a banking hall and I saw a young mum with her cute 2-year old who was having a nice time exploring his environment and infringing on the space of no one, and the woman yelled out “you this boy, why are you jumping up and down”? Within me, I went ‘what a question’! What else do toddlers do? I’m sure you have witnessed a couple of moments like that. It’s like wondering why monkeys jump trees; it’s just their nature! Where that young mum was coming from was a sub-conscious place where she believed that her toddler must be perfect. Of course if she was challenged, she would sternly deny, but sub-consciously, that was her expectation and she didn’t realise it.
Perfection to her at that moment, was for her toddler to realise that they were in a business environment where everyone was expected to be prim and proper. Don’t get me wrong, it’s in order to curb our unruly toddlers. It’s part of discipline. Above illustration is, however, just an example, and I could go on and on. It is simply to show how that, subconsciously, we put our children under the pressure of perfection and relate with them from that premise. To expect them to be flawless is unrealistic and over-ambitious. You can therefore imagine the injustice we do from time to time.
The words of Sue Atkins always ring in my head: “Don’t be a perfect parent, be a real one”. And that of Jill Churchill: “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” And of course, that of Dave Willis: “There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way”.
…. _subconsciously, we put our children under the pressure of perfection and relate_ _with them from that premise. To expect them to be flawless is unrealistic and over-ambitious._