My Secret Weapon in Marriage? By Falilat Oreoluwa Dikko

My Secret Weapon in Marriage?

They say marriage is a journey. What they don’t always tell you is that the road isn’t paved with rose petals. Sometimes, it’s full of potholes, unexpected detours, spiritual “check engine” lights, and the occasional flat tyre of the heart. One moment you’re exchanging vows with teary eyes and cake-filled kisses, the next you’re lying wide awake at 2 a.m. asking yourself why the love of your life now snores like a neglected generator.

But let’s take off our lashes and talk woman to woman.

We’ve all heard the textbook formula for a good marriage: communication, respect, and patience. Yes, those are critical pillars. But there’s one secret ingredient our mothers whispered about in hushed tones or sometimes skipped entirely. Let me tell you plainly, sister: sex is power.

I’m not talking about the “just lie there and collect salary” kind of intimacy. I’m talking about the kind that brings emotional healing, restores balance, settles arguments, and sometimes makes your husband suddenly start washing dishes unprovoked. Yes, I said it, and I stand firmly on it!

Across the globe, from Lagos to Atlanta, from Accra to Alabama, I’ve seen women juggle careers, children, in-laws, and still struggle with one silent truth: no one teaches us how to use our God-given feminine energy with purpose and grace in marriage. We are told to cook, submit, endure but no one sits us down and says, “My dear, learn how to take your man to cloud nine and back. Learn it well, because it’s a ministry of its own.”

Let me share a story not from a Nollywood movie or a motivational talk show but from my own home.

Years ago, my husband developed a habit that deeply troubled me. It wasn’t scandalous, but it chipped at my peace daily. I tried everything: I spoke to him respectfully, pleaded, explained how it made me feel. He promised to change… but the behaviour persisted. So, I turned to my faith. I fasted, I prayed, I poured my soul into du’a, hoping that Allah would soften his heart.

But one night, I had a different kind of epiphany.
With all the calm of a woman who had seen enough and was ready to rearrange destiny, I said to him, “Honey, from today, this body is on strike. No touching, no preview, no full movie until that nonsense stops.”

My people… by the next morning, this man was holding my hands, eyes misty, saying, “I’ve stopped it, I swear. In fact, I don’t even know why I started it.”

That day, I dropped to my knees and whispered, “God, thank you for giving me sense.”

It’s not every problem you solve with shouting. Some things require silence. Others require strategy. But many? They require sacred seduction. The kind that soothes and speaks volumes, even when no words are said.

Let’s be honest, ladies… what exactly do we intend to use to hold our husbands in this battlefield called marriage? Yam porridge and attitude? Spaghetti and mood swings? Please now.

Women like the late Dr. Maya Angelou wrote powerfully about feminine strength. Michelle Obama, in Becoming, spoke candidly about going to marriage counseling and the hard, honest work behind their picture-perfect smiles. Even media mogul Mo Abudu has hinted in interviews how she balances power and presence without losing her softness. These women didn’t conquer life only by public strength. They nurtured love with quiet, private power too.

Even here in Nigeria, I remember a family friend, Auntie Folake a brilliant banker with three children once said during a women’s conference in Ibadan: “I can negotiate a multimillion-dollar deal in the boardroom, but when I get home, I switch gears. I’m the wife, the best friend, and yes, the undefeated bedroom champion.” We laughed, but it stuck.

So why do we shy away from learning this craft? Why do we let pride or ignorance rob us of joy?
Sometimes, a little change in energy can heal years of tension. A soft back rub, a quiet bath prepared with care, a new nightwear he wasn’t expecting. Sometimes, what therapy cannot fix, a night of intentional intimacy can whisper into alignment.

No, sex isn’t everything. But in marriage, it can be the oil that keeps the engine from grinding.

To the wives reading this: please, improve your skills. Take your time. Watch tasteful tutorials, read books like The New Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort (timeless and beautifully written), and The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene—yes, the same author of The 48 Laws of Power. These are not books about immorality. They’re guides on psychology, connection, and charisma. Use them not as weapons of control, but as tools for deeper bonding.

And to the husbands who are lucky enough to have wives putting in effort: please, don’t go and misbehave. Honour the ministry. Respect the woman doing her best to water your home with sweetness.

I say this not just as a wife, but as a woman who knows what silence can destroy, and what wisdom can restore.

Let me end with love before someone reports me to Iya Adini Alasalatu Agbaye.

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted. But with the right mix of faith, humour, timing, and yes—holy seduction—many battles can be won without war.

Let your home be a paradise, not a police station. Be his peace, not his punishment. Be soft, be wise, and don’t forget: your femininity is not weakness, it is quiet fire.

Pssst… come closer. If you really want to upgrade your marriage and shake tables in the most elegant way, add those two books to your secret library. Don’t read them to manipulate, read them to awaken the graceful lioness in you.

Case closed.
Arise, bedroom warriors.
Let the healing begin.