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PARENTING IS NOT A COMPETITION
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
It was the annual inter-house sports competition in my children’s school. The weather was clement with expectations running high from the organisers, the competitors, cheering spectators and of course, parents. One of the events – the popular 100 meters sprint – was about to take off, and you could not but notice a particular woman who stood close to the starting blocks as though she was one of the contestants. She was so agitated and sweating profusely with watermarks burrowing ugly ridges on her over made-up, but otherwise beautiful face. You could see she was a pipeline of rushing adrenaline.
I took interest and a closer look. Then, I saw that she was actually standing behind her son, who was one of the contestants, cheering him up. As the sprint commenced, she jumped on the side lines literally running parallel to the tracks. It was a very keen contest between her son and the kid who came first. Immediately her son was judged second, she pounced on the officials and accused them of fraud, claiming her son had been robbed of the first position. She pushed, shoved and screamed, throwing tantrums like an entitled spoilt brat. Even her little boy looked thoroughly embarrassed. Unfortunately for her, we all witnessed the keenness of the race; her son was indeed beaten to second place.
Have you seen such people? I have seen mums at children’s parties jump in the midst of toddlers to scramble for party packs for their kids. I see their problem as a _Strife Propensity Disorder._ Perhaps I can leave that for psychologists to develop further. Such parents will be competitive, contentious, and envious, engaging in subtle or even overt acrimony.
No doubt, there is no parent who is not proud of their children’s achievements. But when we brag always and seek to make our children look like the new Einstein of the world, or one so gifted that there is no other kid like them, it is the errant spirit of rivalry. Such parents are the ones who shop for information on whether their neighbour’s baby’s teeth are growing, or she has started walking, or how much the other kid’s school fees are, wanting to compare with theirs; or why the other kid has not enrolled for Mandarin lessons like their own.
Competitive parenting is a needless, self-stressing, self-imposed distraction that takes you away from the focus of your parenting assignment. Competitive parents will always lurk in the neighbourhood to make you feel inadequate while they exaggerate their strengths and the accomplishments of their kids. Ego and conceit are their stock-in-trade; acquire the skills to sniff them a mile away. Exaggeration is the commodity they trade; never forget that it (exaggeration) is the tantrum of truth. bandy exploits simply to intimidate you. When they ask you questions, is it because they are curious or because they care? Get out of the parenting rat race. Parenting is not a tournament, neither are you a contender.
Never compare yourself with anyone. It is a needless, self-despising exercise.
Femi Adekunle Esq writes from Abuja