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AVOID ROLE STEREOTYPES
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
I once sat to counsel a woman whose worry and complaint were that her teenage son was not masculine enough. Her concern? He always dodged the ‘masculine’ chores in the house, like washing cars, fixing broken things, carrying heavy stuff, and the likes. Rather, he loved to do the ‘feminine’ chores like being with her in the kitchen cooking, going to buy groceries, etc.
So, I told her that in my marriage, there are a number of areas where my wife and I have reversed roles. She was surprised to hear that my wife is the one that has contact numbers of the artisans and technicians such as plumbers, electricians, etc. Whenever there is a technical issue to be fixed in the house, she takes it upon herself to contact them. For me, I’d rather nothing need repairs in the house than chase after artisans. It’s just not my turf. On the other hand, I help her a lot in the kitchen. I also shop for groceries quite easily.
As parents, we sometimes commit the error of role-compartmentalising our children along the lines of age and gender, which damages their natural inclinations and, therefore, their self-esteem. Subconsciously, we start by our choices for them of their toys, clothing, books, television channels, etc, in the early years. Also, a mum steps out and says to her 12-year-old daughter, ‘Lizzy, take care of your younger ones’, as though by default, she must simply because she’s the oldest.
Just because a child is a boy does not mean he will automatically love to iron clothes, mow the lawn, or watch wrestling. Or just because she is the oldest does not mean she will provide leadership for her siblings. If she fails to, nothing is wrong with her. It simply means she has other qualities, attributes, and traits that need to be discovered and encouraged.
In my house, the person that provides the day-to-day leadership among the children is not my oldest, but when it comes to discipline, she is firm, resolute and no-nonsense, and we have come to accept that. Each of them has their unique characteristics, strengths, and idiosyncrasies. It is our responsibility to identify these, nurture, and celebrate them.