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TREAT THEM FAIRLY BUT NOT EQUALLY
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
Sounds strange, doesn’t it?
A wise man once said that there is no greater inequality than the equal treatment of unequal. Having to raise more than 2 children has strongly reinforced my belief in this saying even much more. On a daily basis, I see how different, dissimilar and even incompatible they are.
My twins have different sleeping habits. While one of them wakes up just at the call of his name or a gentle tap, the other one sure needs a tap that is not gentle at all. To drive this Tip home, let’s look at a very simplistic example: imagine two kids in a home where there are rules and time for work, play, chores etc. One completes his homework (from school) faster than the other. It would be unfair on the faster guy to deny him his time for evening play or TV simply because his sibling is still busy doing homework. Flipped over, it would be an error to want to be ‘fair’ and ask them both to observe their regular play or TV time when one of them is yet to complete his homework. In this context, fair treatment though unequal, which I recommend, will be denying the slower guy his usual privileges until he does the needful, while allowing his faster sibling to enjoy them.
What the children want or what you want for them is not as relevant as what they need. As a parent you must be sensitive to their needs. Meeting the needs of each child is imperative and in view of the fact that their needs are different, unique, peculiar, and never the same, it would be an error to treat them equally. A strong-willed child, for example should be handled in such a way as to tame his strong-willed disposition, lest he becomes uncontrollable, while a more compliant child should be handled in such a way as to prep up his confidence level, lest he slips into timidity. Fair treatment and not equal treatment, therefore, is as exigent as it is crucial.