PARENTING BY HOVERING: THE NEW NORMAL? ‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
PARENTING BY HOVERING: THE NEW NORMAL?
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
Recently, I was in a private university in the city to check in the son of a family friend who had just gained admission. Right from when he was in primary school, I adored him so much I was happy to be part of his growth into this new phase of his life – the matured, cerebral, promising undergraduate that he now is.
His parents live in Lagos and had returned, so I had the responsibility of commuting him to campus to complete his registration. Each day we drove to campus, I could not but be amazed and amused at what I saw. And, each time, I could not but help reflect on when I did the same thing, decades ago.
When I gained admission into the University of Lagos, it was the same humdrum and routine, except for the fact that way back, the exercise was boringly analogue and tediously inefficient, unlike what we have today; kudos to technology. I went to the campus all by myself with my credentials and documents. I met other candidates with whom I endured days of endless queues, sometimes rude university staff and inefficient rigmarole.
We made our first friends on those queues and inducted ourselves into the university. From the admissions office to the bursary to the halls of residence, the story was the same. In those days, there was no gsm or emails to communicate with home; as a matter of fact, some of us travelled to Lagos from other states near and very far, so there were no parents to run or cry to. We figured it all out, and successfully, too.
Fast-forward to 2025, it’s an entirely different regime! I saw students who are supposed to be undergraduates following their parents all over the place as though they, the parents, are the students. I saw parents and guardians practically filling physical and online forms for their children and wards. I saw them dragging boxes and luggage while the children followed behind, with ears blocked and heads adorned with colourful headphones, buried deep into navigating their smartphones. I saw university staff having a herculean task fencing off the parents and pleading to allow the students to do their thing. Without an exaggeration, the population of parents was more than that of the students because, in many cases, both parents and even siblings escorted the students to campus.
This is obviously a new generation of parenting by hovering, and I ask the question, is it the new normal? To be honest, I am not quick to condemn this ‘new normal’ for several reasons. When you look at these children (yes, children) in big bodies, they are barely 15 or 16, and you ask, can the parents truly leave them to be on their own? In this season of grave insecurity in our country where even with ‘one chance’ taxis all over the place, adults disappear, let alone children? Every parent is, therefore, apprehensive and would rather accompany and watch over their children as much as possible.
However, convincing as the above apologia may seem, is it enough justification for the magnitude of hovering we witness these days? Is there any justification for helicopter parenting, which is the habit of over-parenting (“helicopter parents” is a term coined in 1990 by Authors Foster Cline and Jim Fay)?
This seems to me like an endless debate with enthusiasts likely to argue credibly on either side. One thing, for me, is, however, clear. This generation of children, the GenZees as we call them, extremely intelligent and book-wise, are far from street-wise, unlike our generation, their parents, and the same generation who, ironically, now practice this helicopter parenting. And, as I said when I wrote ‘Street-smartness is a Must Training’, in the centre-stage of life, the child that is book-wise only, will be dominated by the one that is street-wise, while the one that combines all will lead them both.
‘Femi Adekunle , a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.
Email: femi383@gmail.com
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