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NASTY BUT NOT RUDE
Someone said there are two times when you feel like running away from home: when you are fifteen and when your daughter is fifteen. Even if I didn’t believe this when I first heard it, I did when my children became teenagers.
What is it that makes teenagers so special and unique? They are confused themselves. For only a while ago, they were infants so pampered they thought the dotting would last forever. Suddenly, now they look like adults but are denied the privileges of adulthood. It’s a season where they want to fly, but their feeble wings are too immature to lift them off the ground. And for you as the parent, it possibly is the most turbulent part of your parenting journey.
Today I’m writing on what I titled ‘nasty but not rude’.
My wife went visiting her friend who has a witty 15-year-old in her kitty. Wanting to give her visitor some chilled water, her friend asked the children, “Why is there no water in this fridge?” Daughter answered, “We drank it!”. While her mum almost flew at her in a rage, my wife said she laughed so hard her ribs ached. But she got her own dose when one day she asked the children angrily, “How did this fly get in here?” And my son, famous for his comical wits, audaciously answered, “by flying!” She felt like pouncing on himHer immediate feeling was one of outrage, and she got amused at the bold sarcasm only much later.
Rebellion is a natural configuration of the teenage years. Teenage rebellion has been around for as long as there have been children. Remember the tragedy of the first family on earth? At the root of it – rather, one of the reasons – is the discovery of identity.
At thirteen, or sometimes, much earlier, a girl begins to pay attention to herself. She pays attention to her looks and dressing, checks herself in the mirror again and again, and begins to look forward to wearing make-up. After all, that is what makes adult ladies look good. It is the same for the boys. For a long time, my sons eagerly awaited the arrival of their beards, stroking their barren chin every now and then in front of the mirror as if calling them forth, always warning the barber to spare any strand that benevolently grows.
What’s the point here? This sudden surge of identity makes them challenge adult authority. To them, they have lived under their parents’ shadows and obeyed their instructions all their lives – choice of clothing, diet, school, etc. including where they live, visit, and recreate. Why can’t they begin to make choices for themselves and break free from this suffocation? they reason. They become argumentative and even combative sometimes. When we were young, a majority of my generation had no right to protest, challenge elders, or even be angry. We were cowered by culture. For the generation Z dudes, things have changed.
Guess what? The urge to be argumentative is good omen. It shows that your baby, for whom you have made decisions all its life, has started thinking for itself. The process of their mental growth is not stunted, after all. You are raising a young adult who, in the nearest future, will hold their own, challenge injustice, and hold society accountable to fair standards. However, you happen to be their experimental guinea pig. Worry if your teen does not argue with you. But when they do, worry not, just be happy.
Barr. Femi Adekunle Esq a public opinion analyst writes from Abuja Nigeria