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“SON, YOU’VE MADE ME PROUD!” Femi Adekunle on Parenting
I was at an examination centre where parents and guardians came to drop their children and wards. I heard a mum say “Emeka, go in and make us proud”, and something made me uncomfortable. Why must Emeka make YOU proud and not himself, or why not simply wish him well?
I don’t know how many times I have heard such statements. We often tell our children, “You have just made me proud”, or announce to the whole world “my daughter has made me proud”. ‘What is wrong in that’? I can almost hear you say. I will tell you what is wrong. At the end of the day, if you don’t agree, take it as my humble but candid opinion.
Every parent wants their children to do well, and when they do, we are not only happy, we feel like showing them off. However, subconsciously, we put our children under so much pressure that we make their performance about us and not about them. In the process, we fail to recognise our selfishness, self-conceitedness, and ego trip. This is the reason why we launch every achievement of theirs on our social media platforms, eager to announce how they have “made us proud”. Don’t get me wrong. For those who love to do this, it’s your prerogative, and it’s not a sin. However, my point is this: when we tell our children to “go and make us proud”, we are piling undue pressure on them and often times, even without them recognising it, they go out there with those words at the back of their minds wanting to impress us, but it’s less about them, their potential and ability.
Let’s propel our children to greatness by making them know that whatever achievements they have is first and foremost for their benefit before anyone else. That’s why there is a huge difference between “I am so proud of you” and “you have made me so proud”. Time and space will not permit me to scan this thoroughly, but whereas the former acknowledges the child, his efforts, accomplishment and luminary as well as encourages him or her, the latter flaunts us, and our cryptic, hidden ego. Let’s change our vocabulary and give our children the wings to fly.
Yes, this is kind of table-shaking and may be unnerving, but as I said earlier, it’s my opinion.
