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NEVER EXCLUDE THEM FROM DECISION-MAKING
‘ Femi Adekunle on Parenting
One of the big mistakes parents make is to think that the children are too immature to understand the running of the family, hence when decisions are made, they are relegated to irrelevance and excluded.
Years back I was to consult with a nutritionist/dietician who I met through a friend. When we had our initial discussion before the real consultation, I was able to see his professionalism and the far-reaching effect his advice and recommendations would have on my family, so I told my wife about it and let her know that we would all be visiting. We did and it was such an eye-opener. I was glad I did.
It necessitated such radical changes in our diet that if my children did not hear the recommendations first-hand, it would be difficult to sell the changes to them. It is not easy to explain to children the dangers of drinking soda, or eating junk food that are tantalising to the taste bud. It is also not easy to withdraw certain types of food and replace with greens unless they are made to see the benefits. I was surprised when I once overheard them explaining the benefits of alkalinity of the body system over the dangers of acidity, to their friends. I was glad the exercise paid off.
From infinitesimal matters like the type of toys to buy for them, what to eat for dinner, which park to go on a Sunday evening, to more important and fundamental issues like which school they are to attend, where the family should spend vacation, where to live etc, it is important to involve them in the decision-making process. In the process, they learn teamwork as well as negotiation and engagement skills. It becomes easier to get them to accept and submit to your authority having seen how fair you have been to them in exercising that authority. Hence it has more to do with fair treatment than the decision going in their favour.
In other words, having their say and the sense of dignity they feel is more important than having their way. In the end, you help sharpen their decision-making skill, an art they will require throughout their lifetime.
…. _having their say and the sense of dignity they feel is more important than having their way._