DON’T COMPARE CHILDREN ‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting

DON’T COMPARE CHILDREN

‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting

I once wrote on the need to avoid competitive parenting. Just as you are enjoined not to compare yourself with any other parent or get intimidated by their strengths while ignoring your own, never compare children.

When my daughter gained admission into the university, we missed her sorely. We always wished we could talk to her every day. We wanted to find out how she was coping with her new environment, who her new friends were, how she was catching up with the rigours of academic work, how she was spending her spare time, whether she was eating well and healthy, etc. It was endless. But then, we discovered that she hardly called, unless we called her. We did reach out more than she did. It was a bother for me. And each time, she would satisfactorily respond to our enquiries and assure us ‘I am fine’, but I was not satisfied.

Just around the same time, my friend’s son also gained admission and we were comparing notes. He told me how his son was in the habit of calling dad and mum every day. He called when he woke up, when he finished lectures, when he had arguments with his roommates, when he had a nice meal or a poor one, when he was in bed to sleep and ever so often, when he was broke. My friend was fed up and warned him to face his studies or he would desist from picking his call. To my friend, his calls were one too many.

I envied my friend and I told him so. I told him my own daughter hardly called and every time we called, she was ‘fine’, and he envied me too! We had a good laugh, what different strokes!

I sat to think about this, decided to see the good side of what I thought was a ‘problem’ and stopped worrying. I simply told myself that it means as parents, we have done a good job to raise a consummate teenager who can make decisions and think for herself; an independent and self-confident teenager. I told my wife to also worry less and we gave ourselves a pat on the back. All we need to do is encourage her to remember to check on us also more often and never to shy away from seeking our counsel whenever she needs one.

As for my friend, I told him to equally worry less. He has done a good job of raising a son that has bonded with his family and counts them worthy of being in his life, when his mates are turning to their peers for support. Their strengths and not their weaknesses, are what we need to amplify. Seeing things in this light as a parent, is a step towards optimistic parenting.

Never compare children. Whether they are siblings or unrelated, it is a disservice to the creative ingenuity of the Creator to attempt a comparison.

Never compare children. Whether they are siblings or unrelated, it is a disservice to the creative ingenuity of the Creator to attempt a comparison.

‘ *Femi Adekunle*, a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.

Email: femi383@gmail.com

WhatsApp: 08055103512

6th August, 2026