RESULTS ARE NOT SUPERIOR TO EFFORTS ‘ Femi Adekunle on Parenting

RESULTS ARE NOT SUPERIOR TO EFFORTS

‘ Femi Adekunle on Parenting

It was vacation and I went to pick my children from their school hostel. The students were excitedly savouring the end-of-term ecstasy and looking forward to going home to be with their parents and siblings. I watched as they ran up and down at the sight of their parents’ cars. In the midst of the thrills and the frenzy, I could not but notice a boy who was unusually quiet. He was moody and withdrawn and I saw my son go chat him up and pat him on the back. So, I was curious and asked what the problem was.

My son told me he was actually nervous about going home. Reason? His dad had threatened that if he failed to take the first position in class, he would be severely dealt with. I couldn’t believe this. So, I called him to ask questions. A very brilliant boy, he confirmed that his dad actually reprimanded him very sharply anytime he dropped from the first position. He had come first a couple of times before, but this time around, try as he did to take the first position, he was fourth, and he dreaded the consequence. I waited to see and talk to his dad, unfortunately he never came until I left the school premises.

This dad was not wicked, but merely ignorant. Sadly, however, this was one occasion where ignorance was as sinister as wickedness.

In the corporate landscape, when it comes to performance and appraisals, we are always told that your results and not your efforts, will be rewarded. True to the saying, people get promoted for the results they produce and fired for efforts that produce no results.

Sometimes we carry the same mindset into parenting and I make bold to say that this is an error. We are often so furiously performance-driven that we drive our children to exasperation with the pressure we mount on them. We want them to be first in class, to be the class captain or the school prefect, or take the lead role at operas. We overload them with so much cargo that their nimble weight cannot bear. They respond by trying to satisfy our conceitedness with so much efforts, hoping that we would at least recognise and appreciate their innocent endeavours. Many times, we ignore these and drive them to frustration when they fail to massage our bloated egos. Parents, get this clear: in parenting, results are not superior to efforts.

When we see our children make efforts at improving on a weakness, it’s a good place to applaud them even if the results have not come. A child may not be good in sports, nor even participate at all, but is a relentless cheerleader for his teammates. He is adding value and should be appreciated for it; he has earned an important place in the team! When a child is appreciated for the efforts they make at improving on their shortcomings, or produce a good result different from our set expectations, they should be applauded. Only then can they fly even higher.

We are often so furiously performance-driven that we drive our children to exasperation with the pressure we mount on them.

‘ Femi Adekunle,  a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.

Email: femi383@gmail.com

WhatsApp: 08055103512

9th January, 2026