GIVE THE SWEETS BUT SHOW THE SWEAT ‘ Femi Adekunle on Parenting

GIVE THE SWEETS BUT SHOW THE SWEAT

‘ Femi Adekunle on Parenting

I have discovered that children will grow roots in the soil on which they have been planted. In other words, their mindset will evolve within the space of their nurture and exposure. If they have been exposed to too much poverty, they will develop a strict poverty mentality with all its associated vices. Similarly, if all they know is opulence, to them that is the way of life and the only index with which life will be mirrored.

Someone narrated his experience: he makes it a tradition to go with his family on an annual vacation, travelling to different places every year, sometimes, more than once. And, of course the kids love and enjoy it, always looking forward to the next trip. Who won’t? There is hardly any exotic location they have not visited around the globe, so the children told him one day, “Dad, we are tired of going to America and Dubai, can we go to the moon”?

Vintage children, you’d say, but, funny as it sounds, I learnt two major lessons from this: firstly, no matter what you give to your children, they will ask for more, after all, to them, it’s your responsibility, and it really doesn’t matter if you’re breaking your spine to deliver it.

Secondly, while it is good to give them plenty of sweets, let them also see the sweat that produces the sweets. I had an intern in my office recently. She studies in a European university. So, I asked her casually when she was to return back to her school, how much her ticket was going to cost. Her answer shocked me. According to her, she has no idea because “I don’t buy it myself”. By the way, this was a final year undergraduate!

Often times we use our prosperity to over-pamper our children. Prosperity here is not necessarily excessive riches, but even when we have little comfort, we are eager not to allow them suffer the littlest discomfort. Remember the fad ‘my children must not suffer what I suffered’? This mentality is actually damaging our children.

Don’t get me wrong. No one should be apologetic for being in a position to give their children the comfort they couldn’t afford. All I’m saying is, there must be a balance in life. While there is nothing wrong with indulgences here and there, we need to let them also see that life is not all a rollercoaster. Someone said each time he pays his children’s fees, he always shows them the payment slip to make them realise that schooling does not just happen, someone toils and pays for it.

A friend of mine resolved to use a different approach, which is to take the child to the banking hall, withdraw the cash, rather than do a transfer, and show the wads of money to the child before paying the fees. This makes them appreciate the efforts of the parents and propels them to put in their best. It also teaches them the virtues of gratitude and empathy. A child that lacks empathy is an uncharitable bequeath to the world.

…. _while it is good to give them plenty of sweets,_ _let them also see the sweat that produces the sweets…_ .. _A child that lacks empathy is an_ _uncharitable bequeath to the world._

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‘Femi Adekunle , a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.

Email: femi383@gmail.com

WhatsApp: 08055103512

14th February, 2026