DAMAGE CONTROL IS ALLOWED ‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
DAMAGE CONTROL IS ALLOWED
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
My parents’ approach to parenting was authoritarian – my dad in particular. He was a rules dad. He was a quintessential schoolteacher, the type that went about cane-in-hand in those days. He was the type called ‘disciplinarian’.
I recall that when we fell sick, and usually it was malaria fever, the prescription drug then was usually chloroquine and it was as bitter as bile. Dad would sit by your bedside with a stern mien while administering your medication and sometimes ask you to chew the pill, for quick action. It was hell and sometimes we threw up in the process. We thought he was wicked. You could actually see in him (with hindsight), concern and empathy, but it was concealed. He sometimes was obviously worried and possibly scared, but he perfectly masked it up. To us, he was a ‘super dad’, never freaked out on any issue.
Obviously, he desperately wanted us to get well, but because of his personality and style of parenting, in showing empathy, he communicated something else. If you had a fresh wound in my house and it was being bound (he would personally administer first aid on us), you were expected to keep shut, despite the iodine disinfectant that stung like a thousand bees on one spot. After all, you were negligent in your reckless play. Thus, it was fashionable for you to want to conceal your wounds and silently wish healing, and sometimes we were lucky. You also concealed your sickness for fear of chloroquine, but the symptoms would betray you.
We thus didn’t have the luxury of getting a hug, an apology, or a gist. These were very scarce in my house.
For non-authoritarian parents, they may not be this extreme, but sometimes they also lose it. Sometimes you find yourself yelling at your children and saying things you later regret. Perhaps you called your child lazy when what you meant was that he exhibited a lazy behaviour. That statement even though to you, is a mere reprimand, but to the child, it is affirmation of his status, and he would be right to believe you, wouldn’t he?
When, as parents we err, let us be humble enough to do damage control. An apology from a parent to their child does not diminish the parents’ status, rather it enhances their reputation with them, and it’s an opportunity to model humility.
An apology from a parent to their child does not diminish the parents’ status, rather it enhances their reputation with them, and it’s an opportunity to model humility.
‘Femi Adekunle , a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.
Email: femi383@gmail.com
WhatsApp: 08055103512
21st August, 2026
